Something else to think about (A.K.A. Stupid thoughts)

I collected most of these some time ago but a few are new.

If you say something is indescribable, isn't that describing it?
Do Dutch people always split the bill?
If you shine a light into a mirror, do you get twice as much light?
Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?
If you were a pastor, and you were getting married, would you hire a pastor, or would you do the wedding yourself?
Why is Joey short for Joe, when Joey has more letters?
If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot?
If a singer sings their own song during a karaoke party, is it considered karaoke?
If conjoined twins participate in sports, do they count as one or two players?
How come French fries are not considered a vegetable, they are just deep fried potatoes?
Why do they say "an alarm going off," if it is really going on?
If you're sick for one week and on one of those days they had to cancel school because of snow, do you have to make up that day in June?
Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been free?
You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to people that work nights?
Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn't you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit?
Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?
If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?
If overalls are held up by the snaps at the top, then why do they have belt loops?
Why do people say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too"? Why would someone get cake if they can't eat it?
If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license?
How come you pay an extra 25 cents to get something put on your hamburger but they don't take off the price if you get something taken off?
If you die and you have a broken leg do they take the cast off?
Is sign language the same in languages other than English?
Do the security guards at airports have to go through airport security when they get to work?
If you went back in time and killed your mother would you disappear the moment you killed her?
If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?
Can you cry under water?
Why is it when we laugh in school the teachers say do you find something funny? When obviously we do?
If the handicapped bathrooms are for people who cant walk why do they put them at the end of the bathrooms?
Why do most people put more effort into their wedding than their actual marriage?
Do stuttering people stutter when they're thinking to themselves?
How come you can kill a deer and put it on your wall but it's illegal to keep them as a pet?
Can someone give up lent for lent?
Why would Dodge make a car called Ram?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
If CD.s were spun in the opposite direction, would it say everything backwards?
Are children who use sign language allowed to talk with their mouth full?
If a criminal turns himself in shouldn't he get the reward money?
What would happen if: Everyone was to flush their toilet at the same time?
Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on?
If you died on the International Dateline, and half of you were on 1 side and the other half on the other side, what day would you die?
If someone crashes his or her car on purpose, why is it still a car accident?
If people with one arm go to get their nails done, do they pay half price?
If the weather man says "it's a 50% chance of rain" does that mean he has no idea if its going to rain or not?
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
If Sunday is the holy day of rest why do we have to get up early for church?
When you snap your fingers, does the sound occur when your middle finger releases from your thumb, or when your middle finger hits the palm of your hand?
Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldn.t they be more specific and say "employees of this place only"?
If two identical twin brothers married identical twin sisters, would there kids be identical?
Since you have to pull over when you see a funeral coming down the road...what would you do if there were a funeral coming down both sides?
Is it possible for a narcoleptic to have insomnia?
If no one buys a ticket to a movie, does the movie still play?
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
If a fire truck was on its way to a fire and it passes another fire, which fire would it go to?
Do fish ever get thirsty?
If I think, and therefore I am, am I just a thought?
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
Why does the label on children.s Tylenol tell you not to operate heavy machinery or vehicles when it's for CHILDREN!?
Do bald men wash their head with soap or shampoo?
Are one handed people offended when police tell them to put their hands up?
If you built a time machine with all new parts, when you went back would the parts you use disappear because they didn't exist then?
If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
If your plan is having no plan, do you have a plan?
If the energizer bunny attacks someone, is he charged with battery?
If anything's possible, then is it possible that nothing's possible?
Do judges and lawyers do jury duty?
Do fish sleep?
If you are born on February 29 of a leap year, when is your birthday?
Do siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?
What do you say when someone says you're in denial, but you're not?
If you had x-ray vision, but closed your eyes, could you still see?
Have you ever thought what life would be like if your name was Anonymous? You'd get credit for everything nobody wanted credit for?
If you have x-ray vision, and you can see through anything, wouldn't you see through everything and actually see nothing?
How do you throw away a garbage can?
If your're born at exactly midnight is your birthday on both those days?
Why do we say "bye bye" but not "hi hi"?
Can blind people be dyslexic when they read Braille?
How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
Why doesn't the glue in the bottle dry up?
If you decide that you're indecisive, which one are you?
If you tell someone they are being judgmental aren't you being judgmental yourself?
Can a hearse driver drive a corpse in the Car Pool lane?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why do they put "for indoor or outdoor use only" on Christmas lights?
If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?
Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?
Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?
Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
If somebody vanished without a trace, how do people know they are missing?
What's the opposite of opposite?
If Practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice?
If you try to fail and succeed, what did you just do?
Why do hotdogs come in packs of 8 when hotdog rolls come in packs of 10?
Did they have antiques in the olden days?
Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?
What came first, the fruit or the color orange?
Can blind people see their dreams?
If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?
If masochists like to torture themselves, wouldn't they do it best by not torturing themselves? and if so, aren't we all masochist?
Aren't you tired of people asking you rhetorical questions and you don't know if they are rhetorical questions or not?
Why do we leave expensive cars in the driveway, when we keep worthless junk in the garage?
Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Why do banks leave the door wide open but the pens chained to the counter?
How come thaw and unthaw mean the same thing?
How can something be new and improved? if it's new, what was it improving on?
Why do grocery stores buy so many checkout line registers if they only keep 3 or 4 open?
If you lived in Siberia and you wronged the Russians government, where would they send you?
Aren't all generalizations false?
Can I get arrested for running into a Fire House yelling Movie! Movie!?
How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
How do you know when you're out of invisible ink?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?
If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill herself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If superglue is so good, why doesn't it stick to the side of the tube?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the driver end up owing you money?
If you play a blank tape at full volume and have a mime for a neighbor, will he complain?
If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when you're done?
Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
What do sheep count when they can't sleep?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
What happens when you call a 1-800 number collect?
What is another word for "thesaurus"?
What's another word for synonym?
When vultures are on their deathbed, are they ever tempted to eat themselves?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?